dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
