Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
