What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
