the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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