I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
