I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I AM VODKA MAN
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
