May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
