Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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