Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
