No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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