Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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