so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
People in love make me want to vomit
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
