Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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