If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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