There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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