so explain again why im purple
no
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
