so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
