There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
