Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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