well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
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The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
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Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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