You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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