I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
