Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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