he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
