I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
