All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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