god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
