So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
