Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
