if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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