I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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