i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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