I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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