I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
