Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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