Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
