bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
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