I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
