I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
