so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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