i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize