I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
