I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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