I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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