Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
