Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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