You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
