Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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