I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
