Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
