ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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