I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
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was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
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she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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