I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
