we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
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I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
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If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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