Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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