I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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