She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
