I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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