I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
