You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
