Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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