somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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