What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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