Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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