My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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