He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
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