Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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