My first STD was from a foam party
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
