he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
it's like iHOP with fire
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
